"Disabled" and "Elderly?"

Two dispicable words: Disabled and Elderly. I have to accept "disabled" and am working on "elderly." My mind feels young, so feeling old only comes from my body. And "elderly" sounds so much older than just plain OLD.

There are many kinds of arthritis. I have the enteropathic kind. The kind that doesn't damage your joints. It hurts all over instead of in just a few joints. Osteoarthritis is when the cartilage between your joints and spine deteriorates. Yes, like a car or a vacuum cleaner or any other mechanical device, your body wears out. Like hearts. Only the medical profession can replace your heart. But not your bones or the cartilage between them. Maybe they will learn to grow cartilage someday and bone too. But not in MY lifetime.

I have battled arthritis for 6 years or so. I have tried biological drugs, ibuprofen (Advil), acetamenophen (Tylenol), naprosin (Aleve), hydrocodone (Vicoden) and oxycodone (Oxycontin) with varying degrees of success. But masking the pain doesn't help or get rid of the root problem.

So my doc told me to do back strengthening exercises which will help my bones to support my back better and I guess will prevent further deterioration. OK, I HATE exercise. It is boring BORING BORING!!!

But that night I began the exercises. After going home from the doc's hearing nothing new and feeling depressed enough to feel sorry for myself and cry for myself. So I have to accept the "disabled" label I guess.
Which means I have to continue to live on social security only. It means I won't be making extra money so I can meet my friends for lunch, so I can buy gifts for my grandkids on their birthdays. or just for fun once in a while. It means I won't be traveling anywhere ever again. It means my life is very VERY different from the one I had planned for myself.

But I am alive.

Like a newborn

Last night was three wake-ups by my elderly dog (13) who lets me know that she needs me by whining.  First I hear her jump down off the bed and then it is the regular crying.  My dreams are put on hold and I get up, slip my feet into my laceless sneakers, get my coat on, leash up Nikki and shamble outside so Nikki can do her thing. Sometimes that works and sometimes, since I don't speak Dog I have no idea what she wants. I try the outside thing and then food.  Sometimes one or the other works. Sometimes I have no idea.

Last night was a low sleep night.  Three wake ups. And as luck would have it I am on point to babysit my bright, energetic and demanding grandkids tonight.  That will be the good part of my day.  They speak English much better than my dog Nikki so they can tell me what they need. They are so cute. Joe is VERY good at entertaining himself and can help, even holding Max while he goes to sleep.   Lucy always has so much to tell me and if Max needs anything he just takes my hand and leads me to the item in question and points. He communicates very well with few words. Like I said, they are very bright kids. So I am looking forward to a night with little ones who have needs but can communicate them. How refreshing!