New Dog? Like Buying a House.

It has been over three months since I lost my little Nikki, whom I called "Poopoo."  I know, silly, huh? I found out other owners do the same, call their dog some affectionate term instead of their given name. The dog doesn't care, believe me.

I have been enjoying sleeping in, not having to go out for the dog, not having to take her on a walk. But I have missed not getting up earlier, not having a dog to take outside and not having someone to take walking with me.  So I think I am ready for new baby to love.

I have filled out applications at some dog adoption website, mostly Petfinders.com and have some dogs I want, like this little honey who is called Ellie Mae. She is a Malti-poo. Maltese and Poodle mix, about 8 lbs, which is the size I want. It seems every breed is mixed with Poodles because they are smart and as non allergenic as you can get.  

Ellie Mae

Then there is Candy, a chi-pom. Yes, Chihuahua and Pomeranian mix, about 8 lbs. She is young, only about a year, has already had a litter of pups and runs around some trailer park. She really needs someone to care for her. She may not be ready for apartment and leash life, however. Here is Candy.

Candy

The most important is that the dog I get will have to like other dogs and people and especially kids. They have to be Lucy and Max approved. Nikki bit Joe when he was little so we can't have that happening. Dogs are also supposed to help you socialize with other dog owners. But Nikki did not like other dogs so she pretty much isolated me from other dog owners.  

I am waiting to hear back about these dogs or maybe others I have applied for. Two are already adopted that I was looking at earlier. So these two are still in the running. 

Who knew adopting a dog was like buying a house and getting a credit check? I guess they want to be sure you will be committed to the dog. I had Nikki for 14 years and 8 months so I guess I was pretty committed to a dog who bit my grandson and isolated me from other dog owners, so I should pass the test.

Her Last Day

Sleeping on my bed

I miss her most tonight. I thought, "It is time to go to bed with my computer and books"  and then "but first I have to take Nikki out first."  But of course Nikki is not here anymore.  I miss going out at night with her, seeing the moon, the stars, the trees sighing and the slight fear that someone may be in the shadows. But I had my guard dog with me.  Some people are afraid of little dogs or any dog. They bark. They might bite. Mine would probably lick someone to death first. But I felt mostly safe with her.

Yesterday I took my little girl Nikki dog to the vet. I knew she was very thin, last time we went she weighed 11 lbs. She should weigh 15 lbs at least. Now she weighed 9 lbs.  I knew she was not eating anything anymore but her treats. I knew she was not strong enough to get up sometimes when she squatted to pee.  I knew she had a stage 4 or 5 (out of 6) mitral valve prolapse (heart murmur) for years and takes a pill for it.  I knew she had a tumor in her abdomen that had grown very large, so large I could grab it with my fist and not begin to get my fist around it. I could feel the ridges of it even. It was taking up space in her tiny body, pushing her organs out of its way. I knew she was not having fun anymore. She hardly noticed when another dog was around. Normally she would bark her head off at another dog and try to chase the squirrels in the yard.

I had made an appointment last week to see the vet and make sure it was time. But I cancelled it because I couldn't face it. And I was sad, crying and depressed all that day.  So when I described to the vet assistant what was going on with Nikki and then the vet, Dr. Endicott at Woodhaven Veterinary Clinic, came in, I said, "It's time, isn't it?" and she nodded sadly.  She told me we could do it right then, that day. Or I could come back later that day or schedule another day. I was not prepared to do it right then. But I knew if I left it would be even harder to go back. And I knew my little companion of almost fifteen years was not having fun being a dog anymore. Her quality of life was very low.
She now weighed 9 lbs. She had lost 6 lbs over the last year. Her muscle mass was gone, she was skeletal, she was miserable.

The vet, Dr. Endicott, was the very best vet I could have ever asked for. She told me that I had given Nikki a glorious life, that she was not the dog she once was and showed me the picture of her they have of her healthy and full of life. Dr. Endicott explained exactly what would happen, as I cried. She said "Have you ever had to do this before?" and I shook my head and cried some more. I knew it had to be done. But I looked at my little girl and all I could think was, she has one bow in her hair. She needs to be washed off again (she was peeing on herself when sleeping) and she needed brushing.  The vet pointed out these things would probably be stressful to Nikki. Yes, they would be.

I had been told I did not need to be in the room but I knew how frightened she would be if I had left. So I stayed with her. She had been with me for almost 15 years, and I would be with her until the end. 

So the vet gave her the first shot, of sedation, after which I would have ten minutes to be with her. The first shot went right through her skin and came out the other side. She had no muscle and was so thin. So the vet got another shot and gave it to her. I sat by her and laid my head on the table with her as she lay on a very soft fleece pad. I petted her and looked at her and talked to her. She looked at me and occasionally blinked. Then the vet came in and gave her the next shot which would be much faster and I was looking at her and touching her when her life left her.

Dr. Endicott held me as I cried, devastated.  I was told I could stay with her as long as I wished but Nikki had left. So I kissed her and went to Devon's to be with the family I love. We all went to the Farmer's Market in Issaquah and I had a pulled pork slider and a strawberry ice cream cone. Thanks, Devon and Annie for being there for me when I really needed you.

A new haircut

Not a big deal? Well, for me who gets a haircut every three months if I can, it is a big deal. And when I get it shorter than it has been since going brown, it is a bigger deal for me. So I took some pics of it. Not great pics but you get the idea. I like it for a change.

A day to remember

There are a few events in our lives that we know right where we were and how we felt when they happened.  This is one of those days.  President John F Kennedy was assasinated in Dallas, Texas on this date 48 years ago.  My neighbor came to knock on my door and tell me.  I turned on my black and white TV and saw Walter Cronkite cry when he announced "President Kennedy has been shot" and then "President Kennedy is dead."

We all watched as Mrs. Kennedy in her blood soaked pink suit stood nearby on Airforce One as Lynden Johnson took the oath as President. And for days our eyes were glued to the TV as the incredible funeral happened before our eyes, as Oswald, the shooter was shot by Ruby and the horror and shock continued. Then Ruby being shot. I hope that I never see such a thing again in my lifetime. There is no other event I can think of even comparable to it.  Yes, it was personal. Everyone loved him, he made us love ourselves and our country.

One date most of us can remember is where we were and how we felt on September 11, 2001.  That event changed our lives, how we fly, how we feel about being invulnerable and safe here in the  United Stated of America.   Every year we think of all the people who died, their families and how the consciousness of the country changed after being hit by a terrorist.  Even that does not compare to the death of a beloved President to me.
I have often wondered about the paths not taken by this country because JFK was killed.  Of course it is easy to romanticize someone after they are gone. But each year I weep over those possible paths not taken.

In the time of President John F Kennedy we were a country separated by racism, our enemy was "the communists."  In the south racism was overt. In the north it was covert. 
I remember going to a doctor for ear nose and throat. I was shocked to find out he was black and I never went back. When he called me to ask why I had not returned I don't even remember what I said. But I could not tell him "because I have never been to a black doctor before and I am very uncomfortable with it."  I have never told this before to anyone. It shames me still.

Did I consider myself to be racist? Of course not.  My heart was with the black people (I think we were saying "black" then and before that "negro" and now of course "African American" which all black people are not).  They marched carrying signs about housing descrimination near where I lived in north Seattle. I had two little children or, I told myself, I would be out there with them.  I remember the atrocities in the south, the bombing of the chldren in the church, the National Guard escorting the first black students to a white college. All of this while Kennedy was President.  I remember the white students and civil rights workers going south to help the blacks register to vote and to vote. They were beaten and some were killed.

President Kennedy was from a wealthy family, his father Joseph Kennedy from the Irish Mafia they say.  JFK was our first Catholic President (there was speculation back then about his Catholicism like there is now about Romney's Mormonism).  He was from an advantaged background but he was taught to  help those less fortunate and he truly believed in doing just that. When I heard him speak my high school girl self was enthralled.  It was the first time I had ever paid any attention to what was going on in the world or listened to a politician.

Yes, he had flaws, he had Addison's disease and was in pain constantly, taking pills we would not want our president or anyone else we know to take today.  He had affairs or at least "hooked up" with many women. But as a President, as the man we knew then, he was intelligent, well spoken and well meaning. 

"Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country" was only one of many amazing things he said. He wanted to do what was right for the American people and for the world.

If only the candidates running for President today felt the same way.

Here are some Kennedy quotes:

There are those that look at things the way they are, and ask why? I dream of things that never were, and ask why not.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

Don't get mad, get even.

Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind.

Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they don't want them to become politicians in the process.

One-fifth of the people are against everything all the time.

Man is still the most extraordinary computer of all.

Our problems are man-made, therefore they may be solved by man. No problem of human destiny is beyond human beings.

You know nothing for sure . . . except the fact that you know nothing for sure.

All this will not be finished in the first 100 days. Nor will it be finished in the first 1,000 days, nor in the life of this administration, nor even perhaps in our lifetimes on this planet. But let us begin.


We must seek, above all, a world of peace; a world in which people dwell together in mutual respect and work together in mutual regard.

Moral courage is a more rare commodity than bravery in battle or great intelligence.

When written in Chinese, the word 'crisis' is composed of two characters--one
represents danger, and the other represents opportunity.

Few will have the greatness to bend history itself; but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total; of all those acts will be written the history of this generation.

The quality of American life must keep pace with the quantity of American goods. This country cannot afford to be materially rich and spiritually poor.

Democracy is a difficult kind of government. It requires the highest qualities of self-discipline, restraint, a willingness to make commitments and sacrifices for the general interest, and also it requires knowledge.

A 91st Birthday

My Aunt Marjorie will have her 91st birthday Sunday the 6th of November.  She has lived alone until a year ago when she went to live with her son Larry who is only 6 months older than I.  Our mothers lived together while our fathers were in WWII.  Our famlies were very close all the time we were growing up.
Then in 1995 when my mother died Aunt Marji was with me in the nursing home where my mom had been for a year since her stroke.  She was with me so much during that time, she was closer to me than anyone else at that time. Here is a picture of my mother and Aunt Marji taken about 1993.

Now Aunt Marji has had problems that caused her to be in a nursing home for 24 hour care. She has osteoporosis and a bone in her neck had broken. She had to wear a collar to keep her head up. Now she had the collar removed and Larry is looking for another place where she can stay for her care, where she can take care of what she can do for herself, which is most everything but her meds and meals.  I remember when Aunt Marji and I were looking for a home for my mom.  My mom was one of seven kids. Marji was the youngest and she is now the only one left.

Sunday is her birthday and I try every year to go see her.  I can only stay a couple days because the snow in the passes are coming any time. I went last year and this year I am planning to go too. It is a long drive but I have some audio books to listen to on the way.  And Larry will take me out again like he did last year and we will dance together and maybe I will meet up with the ex secret service guy I met last year who is Larry's friend. He just had his 55th birthday so he is just my type.

But most importantly at 91 I never know when this birthday may be her last.